All That Glitters Is Not Gold

This is not a post in which I will reflect on the difficult times I went through in 2017, and wax poetic about how they made me stronger, and how excited I am for 2018. I don’t really feel stronger, and I’m kind of cautious about what this year will bring. At least for now.

2017 was a pretty good year for me, personally. On paper it looks real good. I travelled a fair bit, I hit my stride in my job and have been excelling at work, and Azim and I passed a milestone and moved in together after seven years of dating. I was thrilled to be part of my good friend’s proposal, and honoured to stand beside my best friend as she was married. I spent lots of time with friends and loved ones – appreciating these moments the most, as they are the ones that truly matter.

But I haven’t been feeling like myself lately. If I had to sum up 2017, I would say it was the year of giving. I feel selfish writing it, but it’s important for me to stay honest in this space.

I gave a lot in 2017. I don’t regret or resent a moment of it, and I hope no one interprets it that way. I’m just tired. I gave sometimes more than I was capable of at work, saying yes over and over and continually rising to the challenge. I had some friends go through very tough times, and I was HAPPY to be a friend to be relied on – I would do nothing differently in those situations, except give even more. Azim and I faced challenges, too. My relationship is sacred to me, and not something I will divulge on, but I am confident in saying that it can be hard work. I was pulled in so many directions last year, and had a lot of trouble staying grounded. “Grin and bear it,” I would tell myself, too many times to count.

I’ve had to reevaluate where I can give (my friends, family, relationship), and where I need to step back. I need to take better care of myself, and I think I also need to ask for care as well. I am going to practice saying “no” more, and not feeling guilty about the things I do for myself. ß it actually took me five minutes to type that sentence because I felt so selfish writing it.

I firmly believe that the more you give, the more you have…but I’ve learned that it has to be in line with your heart and your intentions. One of my favourite quotes is:

“…True love is inexhaustible; the more you give, the more you have. And if you go to draw at the true fountainhead, the more water you draw, the more abundant is its flow.” – Antoine de Saint-Exupery

In 2018 I will try to find a better balance, and get back to my optimistic self. Wishing you lots of peace, joy, love, and prosperity! Thank you as always for reading 🙂 xox

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  • Jocelyn, thank you for being so honest! You are not being selfish. Sometimes drawing the line, pushing back and saying “no” is what you need to do in order to take care of yourself. It will allow you to recharge and be there for those that matter most. There’s nothing wrong with that. <3 Sending you lots of love!